Wednesday, July 20, 2011


Changes are happening within my mother's body and her life force seems to be waning. 

She's tiring. 

Last night, she added a new symptom of moaning on her every outgoing breath- all night. Very disconcerting.  It wasn't so much a pain moan as an "I'm tired moan".  (I could agree with her as I didn't really sleep too much either.)

All day today I've noticed her fatigue.  She didn't open her eyes as often, and seemed to sleep more deeply today than usual. 

This evening her new symptoms include "wet breathing" which is a sort of gurgling sound that sounds like she should clear her throat or swallow, but according to the nurses, her swallow functions are not working too well anymore.  They've suctioned out the spit that's accumulated several times, and given her some medicine but she still sounds a lot like a percolating coffee pot or a rattling noise.  Not a good sound. 

I am assured that it doesn't hurt.  In fact it's harder on the person listening than it is on the the person going through it.  Still it can be predictive that things are slowly shutting down.


Time is suspended while I am here, particularly as I have pretty much been living here for the last the last 18 days because though I have left the hospital for the odd afternoon or evening, I pretty much sleep and eat here.  It's like being an expat in a foreign country.


  1. I remember sitting by a sick child hating the noise of their breathing but having to make sure they were breathing. That moment before the next sound is so long. More sympathy and strength sent. Take care of you.

  2. Thank you Rosie,

    I'll take all the sympathy and every ounce of strength you send! This is hard stuff.

    I am trying to hold things together. I'm eating and trying to sleep, and getting a bit of exercise walking around the hospital.

    I'd really like to walk to Lake Michigan again, but it is SO hot, I don't think I would make it back. I'd probably just take the opportunity to sit in the Lake until sunset...

  3. Hi Jes...
    Please know that I'm thinking of you're mother and you every day. Stay strong!

    Sending my love to you! xoxo

  4. Thank you dear Cheryl,

    I'm holding on (as she is) but it's coming closer to the letting go time.

    We'll get through it.

    hugs back to you, xox

  5. Sympathies.

    I lost my dad a few years back to the ravages of pancreatic cancer, no matter how old the parent or how sick, they are still your parent!

  6. Dear Eric,

    Thank you so much for your sympathy.

    You're right, there's always that "parent" thing there.

    I remember when I was little after my dad died (when I was 9) I would watch other kids and think they had a "spare" parent... If anything would happen to my mom, I'd be an orphan.

    The inevitable is coming, just not quite yet.



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